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其實我們都不完美
但我們從來不後悔
即使我們從不完美
但我們至少很甘願
卸下防衛, 深刻的體會
不發一語, 堅定的雙眼
細細品味, 親密的瞬間
用愛珍藏, 溫熱的感覺
決定放手, 莫名妒嫉
從心來過, 平凡激情
多想遠離那些
所有不近人情的怨懟
一切萬惡念頭的心魔
前陣子, 面對好朋友累積許久的壞情緒
卻無法說出什麼感人肺腑安慰的話
好像, 除了加油, 還是只能說聲加油
當然, 自己也能設身處地感同身受
不僅僅是類似的狀況, 早已聽過很多
自己也遭遇過, 因此心裡更是明白
這個時候, 其實身邊的人說再多都沒用
只有自己才能解開那個結, 撫癒那種傷
朋友唯一能做的, 似乎只是陪伴和傾聽
聊些無關緊要的事, 講講笑話殺殺時間
也沒什麼重要的事, 暫時轉移注意力
獨處時, 難免會湧上孤寂感與不甘心
可能因為是過來人, 明知還是得靠自己
也許可以小茫一下, 但要記得恢復清醒
或許可以大哭一場, 但要努力重拾微笑
感情真的很難, 生活瑣事也真的很煩
少些悲觀, 才能真的多愛自己一些
都是老生常談, 我相信你們也都懂的
＠⊕⊙＠⊕⊙＠⊕⊙＠⊕⊙＠⊕⊙＠
《 ［ 不完美的完美 ］ 》
作詞：小寒
作曲：李偲菘
生命是一塊鐵 沸騰才能刻寫
明天的我 是不朽或浮生一瞥
人體內6公升血 一顆顆都如酒濃烈
為愛瘋狂 沒醉過的人不了解
哪怕偶爾得轉換起點
哪怕選手缺少優先權 沒得選
我將猶豫都甩開
將目光都鎖在 同一個終點
前方越多的風險 冒險
越容易領先
我要我是誰 就算夢未遂
也不讓現實這土匪
把理想都盜走 到老才數著後悔
感動是纖維 紡織後成為一張被
你將我包圍 你的愛沒白給
雖然我並不完美
心意堅定如鐵 故事我自己寫
你別看我 安靜但內心很狂野
我體內所有的血 一分鐘都不肯停歇
所謂瘋狂 是不管他人的誤解
雖然我並不完美
雖然我不完美
I’ll be somebody someday
因為我不完美
才會是獨特的誰
＠⊕⊙＠⊕⊙＠⊕⊙＠⊕⊙＠⊕⊙＠
看看身邊的人, 週遭發生的大大小小事
關於感情這塊, 其實從來沒有細數過
遊行時, 認識了一個新加坡的新朋友
和他交談數日之後, 才又被逼著談到
有幾年都愛得很慘, 卻一派轟轟烈烈
原本是隨口聊聊的態度, 最後卸下心防承認
直到遇見了那名男子, 才真的覺得是定下了
What I wanted to share here is my love stories in history, and I hope they wouldn’t be too boring. I came out when I was 16 at senior high, and my first love was at that time, too. I studied in a boy school, and he was my classmate and one of the best friends (though we don’t keep in touch no more). Originally, I had crush on his friend and he had a girl friend. But everything just happened and we soon fell into love with each other, but we were too childish to hide it, then we got found by his parents and caught by his girlfriend. That’s how it ended one year later, when he found he was not really gay. And now, he got married already two years ago with the girl who hates me till now, so I was forbidden to attend his wedding.
In college life, I studied in Taichung (the third biggest city in Taiwan). As for extracurricular, I played a band as the vocal. I met my second bf who was a big fan of me. He went to every our show and afterwards things went complicated. He confessed, and we got together, but it doesn’t stand long. That two year experience was crazy. We argued a lot cuz he has high sense of possession, and tried to avoid me from meeting my friends. Finally, we both were fed up with each other, and broke up. He started to go to church, and now he becomes a priest. I still hear from him sometimes, but only about gospels. As I know, he still hates me, but I really can’t tell why.
Then I knew someone who kept following my blog. He was from Kaohsiung (another city in Taiwan). After the first time we met, I got great crush over him. He studied image design and was very talented. Due to the distance, we could not meet often and he usually didn’t let me go to him too, cuz he had blood cancer that I heard of this after the first sex we had. I didn’t realize how serious it could be, and I just saw him becoming more and more fragile, weaker and paler, until I was invited to his graduation exhibition, and never got a call afterwards. I, pretending to be a classmate, was told by his parents he was sent to the hospital. Several weeks later, I went to the exhibition and expected to see him again, thought I hadn’t got any call from him before the show. He was not there, and his friend, who knew abt us, told me he passed away. I cried out loud right away, and regretted a lot, cuz the last time we talked on phone abt a week before, he was still comforting me that he’s gonna be fine and eager to see me soon…(red eyes again now).
Through this, I thought I wouldn’t touch upon love any more. However, predictably I met a soldier from gay chat room. He lived in a small town in southern Taiwan, but he came to me very often whenever he had days off. It was the only un-dramatic experience I had. But this man, interestingly, he was the one who turned me from doing top to btm (in the aforementioned ones, I was pure top...unimaginable ha!) It lasted for two years until I graduated from college and came back for my graduate study in Taipei.
The first year I came back to Taipei was the craziest period in my life. There was someone I met in a bar and had huge crush on. Insanely, I accepted his invitation to go to his place at the very first night, and it was my first time to be defenseless from taking drugs. My first es experience just happened. It didn’t go well, cuz that guy was simply a player, and he took lot of advantage of me by asking me to buying drugs, attracting other bears who liked me to our place, paying bills. It was he who forced me to grow up and sophisticated overnight. During that time, I helped him hold parties. I watched him having sex with others. I had sex with other because he wanted to see. I did many stupid and ridiculous things at that time which I even don’t figure out why I dared do so until today. Not long, one day he just disappeared. He didn’t pick up my calls and moved away from his flat afterwards. Until few days later, I got his sms to tell me that he got a boyfriend and moved to live with him like we were never together.
Shocked by the news, I started to hang out alone and drank in the red house. Which no one would believe that I even studied there when I was drinking at the same time, so that’s why I knew many ppl there, cuz I was pretty impressed for others (lol). One night, I met a man who saw me cry (often burst into tears in thinking of memories...) but didn’t ask me any question, and simply bought me drinks and introduced himself to me. After that, he asked me out to have lunch, to watch movie, to study with me in the red house, to bring night snack he cooked for me, but still, he never asked me too much and we didn’t talk abt relationship (I really didn’t expect one then). Once I went to Funky (the most popular gay club in Taipei at that time, u might ever heard of it) and called him to pick me up when I was completely drunk. He didn’t show up, so I was angry. I went directly to his workplace (he was a masseur who needed to work very late) and told him I was downstairs. That was the first time I saw his boyfriend, I felt embarrassed. But this didn’t stop us. He and I decided to keep it that way, as long as I could be good. Admittedly, I knew I could never be taken as a lover, though I did feel something between him and me.
Without responsibility, he wanted (even asked) me to declare single to others and hoped me to find someone else who can replaced him. At that time, I was part of the other two men’s relationship too, one is the boss of G-paradise at that time and the other was an unknown actor. All of this had made my situation was goddamn complex and I didn’t know how I could stand that for years. I just knew men like to look for relief (or fun? I don’t know) from me. Anyway, I became notorious of being concubine in two relationships simultaneously, and ppl called me doxy or slut behind me or even in front of me. (I don’t know what would make u think of me after knowing this, but it is fine for me to tell u, cuz as u said in mail, I want things to be open too and don’t want to pretend that I was a simple guy or someone pure). The latter two guys soon gave me up when they were threatened to break up by their boyfriends, but it didn’t happened to the masseur. Anyway, he and his bf treated me as part of the family and we lived altogether peacefully, until one day he needed to work in China (a new branch of his store was opened then).
After he totally left from my life, I became single for a long while and dated with many guys, including the foreigners I told u. Until I met my current hubby, I didn’t take anyone really seriously, cuz I doubted and was so skeptical about love very much. By the way, what’s worse, he was my friend’s hubby then, so I hided all the feelings from ppl. But once we went to a bar altogether, he told me he likes me at the very first sight and wanted me to help him out of the situation that my friend and he were stuck in (of course I knew there were many complications and problems they both encountered, but I never cared). Anyway, he finally decided to break up with my friend in order to be with me (it was another long story), but I was seriously condemned and hated by many others. I know I was too selfish to reject it, but to tell the truth, that outcome was never requested or ever anticipated by me. In fact, I never thought to have another relationship before I leave for the UK, but something bad happened that made him make up his mind, and I was without clue taken care and regarded as his boyfriend until now. For me, he may be not the best among those dates, but he’s the one who I can trust on and give all to, so after several months, I got used to this and started to take it seriously as a relationship.
Blablabla…to sum up, except for those vacation romances and some stupid puppy love or short-term fun play, this r the only relationship I had taken seriously and counted in the past. It seems that I was telling u too much, and I really don’t have a clue what u would see me and whether u’ll change ur attitude towards me, cuz I m such a guy who is so complicated and sophisticated. But to tell u one truth, u must be the only one who is shared by me the whole long story in my path.
一想起, 過去那些日子的點點滴滴
果不其然的, 心頭仍然是會揪一下
總以為聊多了, 最後就能麻木無感
殊不知撕開傷疤時, 還是歷歷在目
＠⊕⊙＠⊕⊙＠⊕⊙＠⊕⊙＠⊕⊙＠
現在這段感情, 默默地也快一年了
很難想像它的開始, 現在都還是謎
不管別的, 我依然是緊緊珍藏地抓著
平平靜靜的幸福, 一些小爭執也無妨
其實, 這幾年比較懂一些人情事理後
一直都在學習著某樣功課, 艱澀的
那就是, 究竟該如何判斷感覺這件事
說穿了, 這種事就像是一種訊號
無論發出或接收那端, 都該謹慎看待
這課程, 在自己有了一段感情之後
旁觀者清, 更懂什麼是表錯情會錯意
有好感的人, 會想認識做朋友但其他隨興
迷戀的人, 會渴望親密接觸但只是當下
喜歡上的人, 會持續保持關注但無法相處
而愛上的人, 會怕緣分太淺但缺乏激情
這課當然還得修下去, 但已越來越清晰了
Through these years, I’ve always been learning a lesson about
how to distinguish feelings toward or from others.
It’s something like microwave signal.
Whichever at the point of giver or receiver,
this should better be taken seriously.
Seeing someone you feel good, you’d like to keep in touch with him.
Meeting someone you have crush on, you’d like to get closer to him.
Finding someone you are fond of, you’d like to pay much attention to him.
Having someone you fall in love with, you’d like to give all yourself to him.
I think so, though it’s really hard to distinguish at all.
＠⊕⊙＠⊕⊙＠⊕⊙＠⊕⊙＠⊕⊙＠
《 ［ Ｍｙｓｅｌｆ ］ 》
作詞：陳綺貞
作曲：陳綺貞
幾次悔過 掩埋狂妄的惡魔
感覺卻好像毀棄善良的自我
幾次 脆弱 掩飾 不甘的示弱
這就是我
再說 我也不特別渴求永久
其實我也無法忠於單一感受
靜止了 沉溺了 無聲的滅絕 暈眩
是我拒絕你已清醒的雙眼
是我招喚你眼底的錯覺
就讓我用力砸碎輕聲的諾言
擁抱瞬間
是我用真實的編造了謊言
也是我用殘破的猜測這世界
就讓我回應你已失序的狂野
虛偽瞬間 是我
幾次悔過 掩埋狂妄的惡魔
這感覺卻好像毀棄了善良的自我
靜止了 沉溺了 無聲的滅絕 退怯
是我用真實的編造了謊言
就算我用殘破的猜測這世界
再一次回應你已失序的狂野
我們表演
是我用真實的編造了謊言
就算我用殘破的證實這世界
再一次讓我嚐盡犯錯的甜美
甜美瞬間
是你帶我經過純潔的瞬間
無悔無邪
With love,
to my best man ever: Eric Wu
by ur little baby...
但我們從來不後悔
即使我們從不完美
但我們至少很甘願
卸下防衛, 深刻的體會
不發一語, 堅定的雙眼
細細品味, 親密的瞬間
用愛珍藏, 溫熱的感覺
決定放手, 莫名妒嫉
從心來過, 平凡激情
多想遠離那些
所有不近人情的怨懟
一切萬惡念頭的心魔
前陣子, 面對好朋友累積許久的壞情緒
卻無法說出什麼感人肺腑安慰的話
好像, 除了加油, 還是只能說聲加油
當然, 自己也能設身處地感同身受
不僅僅是類似的狀況, 早已聽過很多
自己也遭遇過, 因此心裡更是明白
這個時候, 其實身邊的人說再多都沒用
只有自己才能解開那個結, 撫癒那種傷
朋友唯一能做的, 似乎只是陪伴和傾聽
聊些無關緊要的事, 講講笑話殺殺時間
也沒什麼重要的事, 暫時轉移注意力
獨處時, 難免會湧上孤寂感與不甘心
可能因為是過來人, 明知還是得靠自己
也許可以小茫一下, 但要記得恢復清醒
或許可以大哭一場, 但要努力重拾微笑
感情真的很難, 生活瑣事也真的很煩
少些悲觀, 才能真的多愛自己一些
都是老生常談, 我相信你們也都懂的
＠⊕⊙＠⊕⊙＠⊕⊙＠⊕⊙＠⊕⊙＠
《 ［ 不完美的完美 ］ 》
作詞：小寒
作曲：李偲菘
生命是一塊鐵 沸騰才能刻寫
明天的我 是不朽或浮生一瞥
人體內6公升血 一顆顆都如酒濃烈
為愛瘋狂 沒醉過的人不了解
哪怕偶爾得轉換起點
哪怕選手缺少優先權 沒得選
我將猶豫都甩開
將目光都鎖在 同一個終點
前方越多的風險 冒險
越容易領先
我要我是誰 就算夢未遂
也不讓現實這土匪
把理想都盜走 到老才數著後悔
感動是纖維 紡織後成為一張被
你將我包圍 你的愛沒白給
雖然我並不完美
心意堅定如鐵 故事我自己寫
你別看我 安靜但內心很狂野
我體內所有的血 一分鐘都不肯停歇
所謂瘋狂 是不管他人的誤解
雖然我並不完美
雖然我不完美
I’ll be somebody someday
因為我不完美
才會是獨特的誰
＠⊕⊙＠⊕⊙＠⊕⊙＠⊕⊙＠⊕⊙＠
看看身邊的人, 週遭發生的大大小小事
關於感情這塊, 其實從來沒有細數過
遊行時, 認識了一個新加坡的新朋友
和他交談數日之後, 才又被逼著談到
有幾年都愛得很慘, 卻一派轟轟烈烈
原本是隨口聊聊的態度, 最後卸下心防承認
直到遇見了那名男子, 才真的覺得是定下了
What I wanted to share here is my love stories in history, and I hope they wouldn’t be too boring. I came out when I was 16 at senior high, and my first love was at that time, too. I studied in a boy school, and he was my classmate and one of the best friends (though we don’t keep in touch no more). Originally, I had crush on his friend and he had a girl friend. But everything just happened and we soon fell into love with each other, but we were too childish to hide it, then we got found by his parents and caught by his girlfriend. That’s how it ended one year later, when he found he was not really gay. And now, he got married already two years ago with the girl who hates me till now, so I was forbidden to attend his wedding.
In college life, I studied in Taichung (the third biggest city in Taiwan). As for extracurricular, I played a band as the vocal. I met my second bf who was a big fan of me. He went to every our show and afterwards things went complicated. He confessed, and we got together, but it doesn’t stand long. That two year experience was crazy. We argued a lot cuz he has high sense of possession, and tried to avoid me from meeting my friends. Finally, we both were fed up with each other, and broke up. He started to go to church, and now he becomes a priest. I still hear from him sometimes, but only about gospels. As I know, he still hates me, but I really can’t tell why.
Then I knew someone who kept following my blog. He was from Kaohsiung (another city in Taiwan). After the first time we met, I got great crush over him. He studied image design and was very talented. Due to the distance, we could not meet often and he usually didn’t let me go to him too, cuz he had blood cancer that I heard of this after the first sex we had. I didn’t realize how serious it could be, and I just saw him becoming more and more fragile, weaker and paler, until I was invited to his graduation exhibition, and never got a call afterwards. I, pretending to be a classmate, was told by his parents he was sent to the hospital. Several weeks later, I went to the exhibition and expected to see him again, thought I hadn’t got any call from him before the show. He was not there, and his friend, who knew abt us, told me he passed away. I cried out loud right away, and regretted a lot, cuz the last time we talked on phone abt a week before, he was still comforting me that he’s gonna be fine and eager to see me soon…(red eyes again now).
Through this, I thought I wouldn’t touch upon love any more. However, predictably I met a soldier from gay chat room. He lived in a small town in southern Taiwan, but he came to me very often whenever he had days off. It was the only un-dramatic experience I had. But this man, interestingly, he was the one who turned me from doing top to btm (in the aforementioned ones, I was pure top...unimaginable ha!) It lasted for two years until I graduated from college and came back for my graduate study in Taipei.
The first year I came back to Taipei was the craziest period in my life. There was someone I met in a bar and had huge crush on. Insanely, I accepted his invitation to go to his place at the very first night, and it was my first time to be defenseless from taking drugs. My first es experience just happened. It didn’t go well, cuz that guy was simply a player, and he took lot of advantage of me by asking me to buying drugs, attracting other bears who liked me to our place, paying bills. It was he who forced me to grow up and sophisticated overnight. During that time, I helped him hold parties. I watched him having sex with others. I had sex with other because he wanted to see. I did many stupid and ridiculous things at that time which I even don’t figure out why I dared do so until today. Not long, one day he just disappeared. He didn’t pick up my calls and moved away from his flat afterwards. Until few days later, I got his sms to tell me that he got a boyfriend and moved to live with him like we were never together.
Shocked by the news, I started to hang out alone and drank in the red house. Which no one would believe that I even studied there when I was drinking at the same time, so that’s why I knew many ppl there, cuz I was pretty impressed for others (lol). One night, I met a man who saw me cry (often burst into tears in thinking of memories...) but didn’t ask me any question, and simply bought me drinks and introduced himself to me. After that, he asked me out to have lunch, to watch movie, to study with me in the red house, to bring night snack he cooked for me, but still, he never asked me too much and we didn’t talk abt relationship (I really didn’t expect one then). Once I went to Funky (the most popular gay club in Taipei at that time, u might ever heard of it) and called him to pick me up when I was completely drunk. He didn’t show up, so I was angry. I went directly to his workplace (he was a masseur who needed to work very late) and told him I was downstairs. That was the first time I saw his boyfriend, I felt embarrassed. But this didn’t stop us. He and I decided to keep it that way, as long as I could be good. Admittedly, I knew I could never be taken as a lover, though I did feel something between him and me.
Without responsibility, he wanted (even asked) me to declare single to others and hoped me to find someone else who can replaced him. At that time, I was part of the other two men’s relationship too, one is the boss of G-paradise at that time and the other was an unknown actor. All of this had made my situation was goddamn complex and I didn’t know how I could stand that for years. I just knew men like to look for relief (or fun? I don’t know) from me. Anyway, I became notorious of being concubine in two relationships simultaneously, and ppl called me doxy or slut behind me or even in front of me. (I don’t know what would make u think of me after knowing this, but it is fine for me to tell u, cuz as u said in mail, I want things to be open too and don’t want to pretend that I was a simple guy or someone pure). The latter two guys soon gave me up when they were threatened to break up by their boyfriends, but it didn’t happened to the masseur. Anyway, he and his bf treated me as part of the family and we lived altogether peacefully, until one day he needed to work in China (a new branch of his store was opened then).
After he totally left from my life, I became single for a long while and dated with many guys, including the foreigners I told u. Until I met my current hubby, I didn’t take anyone really seriously, cuz I doubted and was so skeptical about love very much. By the way, what’s worse, he was my friend’s hubby then, so I hided all the feelings from ppl. But once we went to a bar altogether, he told me he likes me at the very first sight and wanted me to help him out of the situation that my friend and he were stuck in (of course I knew there were many complications and problems they both encountered, but I never cared). Anyway, he finally decided to break up with my friend in order to be with me (it was another long story), but I was seriously condemned and hated by many others. I know I was too selfish to reject it, but to tell the truth, that outcome was never requested or ever anticipated by me. In fact, I never thought to have another relationship before I leave for the UK, but something bad happened that made him make up his mind, and I was without clue taken care and regarded as his boyfriend until now. For me, he may be not the best among those dates, but he’s the one who I can trust on and give all to, so after several months, I got used to this and started to take it seriously as a relationship.
Blablabla…to sum up, except for those vacation romances and some stupid puppy love or short-term fun play, this r the only relationship I had taken seriously and counted in the past. It seems that I was telling u too much, and I really don’t have a clue what u would see me and whether u’ll change ur attitude towards me, cuz I m such a guy who is so complicated and sophisticated. But to tell u one truth, u must be the only one who is shared by me the whole long story in my path.
一想起, 過去那些日子的點點滴滴
果不其然的, 心頭仍然是會揪一下
總以為聊多了, 最後就能麻木無感
殊不知撕開傷疤時, 還是歷歷在目
＠⊕⊙＠⊕⊙＠⊕⊙＠⊕⊙＠⊕⊙＠
現在這段感情, 默默地也快一年了
很難想像它的開始, 現在都還是謎
不管別的, 我依然是緊緊珍藏地抓著
平平靜靜的幸福, 一些小爭執也無妨
其實, 這幾年比較懂一些人情事理後
一直都在學習著某樣功課, 艱澀的
那就是, 究竟該如何判斷感覺這件事
說穿了, 這種事就像是一種訊號
無論發出或接收那端, 都該謹慎看待
這課程, 在自己有了一段感情之後
旁觀者清, 更懂什麼是表錯情會錯意
有好感的人, 會想認識做朋友但其他隨興
迷戀的人, 會渴望親密接觸但只是當下
喜歡上的人, 會持續保持關注但無法相處
而愛上的人, 會怕緣分太淺但缺乏激情
這課當然還得修下去, 但已越來越清晰了
Through these years, I’ve always been learning a lesson about
how to distinguish feelings toward or from others.
It’s something like microwave signal.
Whichever at the point of giver or receiver,
this should better be taken seriously.
Seeing someone you feel good, you’d like to keep in touch with him.
Meeting someone you have crush on, you’d like to get closer to him.
Finding someone you are fond of, you’d like to pay much attention to him.
Having someone you fall in love with, you’d like to give all yourself to him.
I think so, though it’s really hard to distinguish at all.
＠⊕⊙＠⊕⊙＠⊕⊙＠⊕⊙＠⊕⊙＠
《 ［ Ｍｙｓｅｌｆ ］ 》
作詞：陳綺貞
作曲：陳綺貞
幾次悔過 掩埋狂妄的惡魔
感覺卻好像毀棄善良的自我
幾次 脆弱 掩飾 不甘的示弱
這就是我
再說 我也不特別渴求永久
其實我也無法忠於單一感受
靜止了 沉溺了 無聲的滅絕 暈眩
是我拒絕你已清醒的雙眼
是我招喚你眼底的錯覺
就讓我用力砸碎輕聲的諾言
擁抱瞬間
是我用真實的編造了謊言
也是我用殘破的猜測這世界
就讓我回應你已失序的狂野
虛偽瞬間 是我
幾次悔過 掩埋狂妄的惡魔
這感覺卻好像毀棄了善良的自我
靜止了 沉溺了 無聲的滅絕 退怯
是我用真實的編造了謊言
就算我用殘破的猜測這世界
再一次回應你已失序的狂野
我們表演
是我用真實的編造了謊言
就算我用殘破的證實這世界
再一次讓我嚐盡犯錯的甜美
甜美瞬間
是你帶我經過純潔的瞬間
無悔無邪
With love,
to my best man ever: Eric Wu
by ur little baby...
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